gloom was palatable in the air today.
and it's not just because of the rain.
in fact the rain was nice, cooling, refreshing and brought a new wind. a wind that was strong clean and a cold beautiful but not strong enough to sweep away the gloom and make one forget.

I just want to forget, and perhaps, have a nice long peaceful, worry free nap in air con. (:
I'm tired. tired of school, and wasting time, and panicking and feeling helpless and wanting to but not translating want into action, to study. I'm scared of looming exams. I'm terrified of a mirage of things, meshed together, dulled by tiredness. I'm bringing my tiredness everywhere I go, spreading thin like butter on bread. i want everything to end, yet i want more time to revise. i do.

it's just that things, like homework, pile up. this is the second time in a span of a week I'm staying up late doing literature. if she doesn't mark, if she doesn't at least comment, i will be utterly betrayed, pissed off and i will go to another lit teacher and f her.

I'm scared abt my maths. do you think someone will still employ me even tho i fail maths? maths that I'm not going to use anyway when i grow up... :/

when I'm tired, scared, gloomy, and not happy, i affect myself and others so negatively. I don't want this. I didn't not sign up for this.

I was going to say it's nothing a good long hard sleep and LM Mont's Anne can't cure. but suddenly, I don't think so.